Insert some pun using the word "eggs" here

From a devoted reader:

“Dear benevolent, caring, handsome Mr. (Bad) Meat,

I've never been able to master the omelet, nor even make one successfully. I am ashamed. I am a miserable failure and throw myself at your mercy. Please help me.

Most Respectfully,
Dave”

Yes, it’s entirely puerile that I giggle at being called Mr. Meat, but it’s the simple things that keep me from looking my age.

Omelets are deceptively difficult to make. It seems easy; eggs, fillings, fold it, done. But physics, chemistry, and human error all come into play. It seems that I just cannot give a simple answer to much of anything, doesn’t it?

Let’s look at making a simple, cheese omelet, ‘kay?

You need a pan, preferably a non-stick pan. You need a heat source, preferably a stove. You need some eggs, preferably from a chicken. And you need some cheese, preferably dairy. I don’t make a classic omelet, but I make a pretty good one, I must say. OK, here we go.

Break 3 eggs into a mixing bowl. Add a bit of milk, cream, or even water. Just a splash; it doesn’t take much. Here comes the chemistry lesson. Have you ever tried to scramble an egg but whatever you do, you still have stringy whites running through it? The whites are mostly a protein called albumin, which is rather ropy. The milk, cream, or water helps break up the albumin and make a more pleasant texture. Season the eggs with some salt and pepper.

Put your non-stick pan on medium heat and add about 1 tablespoon of canola oil. This may seem like a lot of oil and contrary to classical technique, but I find that this much oil lets the eggs ride on top of the oil while they set. Now, while your oil is heating, grab a whisk and beat the ever-loving crap out of your eggs. The more air that you incorporate into the eggs, the lighter the omelet.

Is the pan hot enough? Take a DROP of water on your finger and throw it into the oil. If the oil reacts quite loudly, but is not yet smoking, your oil is hot enough. Grab a rubber spatula and have it at the ready. Pour the beaten and beleaguered eggs into the oil. The eggs will immediately start setting and getting fluffy around the edges. Take your rubber spatula and start pushing the edges in, allowing the unset eggs on top to become the new edge (trying to keep the omelet circular). Once there is just a thin film of unset egg on top of the set part of the eggs, it’s time to flip the omelet. This entire process should take no longer than 2 minutes.

Don’t worry if you can’t pull off the no-spatula flip. It is perfectly acceptable to invert your pan onto a plate and then slide the omelet back in. Let the omelet set for about 30 seconds. Now, pile your cheese in the middle of the omelet. Don’t try to add a half a pound; good flavor is all about balance. Let’s not fail to mention that too much cheese will add to the chances of the eggs being runny.

Fold the omelet in half, making the classic crescent shape, and slide it out of the pan and onto a plate. Lather, rinse, repeat.